A Proper Riverdance

The current (October ’12) issue of Thrasher has David Gonzales on the cover grinding a very burly kink to drop in San Diego. There is a pentagram, David’s interview is jammed with mind-blowing skateboard trickery, there’s a hammer-filled Toy Machine article with a strong latex fist theme, episode 2 of The Predatory Bird comic contains profane language and avian poop, the Krooked in Kolorado article includes an explicit description of an absurd genital brawl and most relevant to today’s post, the sequence you can see below.


A week or so after this issue hit the newsstands I received this e-mail

John,

Hello, how are doing these days? This is Patrick Bannon. I was a participant/winner of your Grind and Turn [contest] (I made the goofy cartoon). So after that little re-acquaintance I am a Thrasher subscriber and subsequently read your recent Krooked article. This correspondence is directed to your “river dance” maneuver. It came as quite a shock to me that you also perform this trick. I have been river dancing on coping, curbs, ledges, what have you, for years. I was wondering how long you have been doing them? As a gigantic fan of your skating going back to the blue print days I almost hold my tongue but out of mutual respect for Scottish culture and your skilled dancing, I have to criticize. I am from Irish decent and not Scottish so I apologize if I offend you an your countrymen. When one performs the riverdance maneuver on a skateboard both hands must be on thy hips and no less than a 2 step performance is expected. Now you have performed the acrobatics on a much larger obstacle than this man could ever attempt, still in the future i will  expect a full show.

Your friend,

Patrick Bannon

I failed to respond but a couple of days later Patrick pressed on with his campaign and I discovered this cheerful follow up in my inbox.

John,

Hey how’s it hanging? Patrick here, again. Anyways, I went to the skate park today with my buddies and was explaining to them the absurd coincidence that we have. They were shocked as anyone would be, I mean come on, what are the chances that two rad skaters such as ourselves would be doing the same original trick and calling it by the same name. So as proof to you that I am skilled in the way of the riverdance I performed one on camera and have attached the file below. Please observe the hands on the hips just like the real deal guys do, and the 25ft or 8.33 meters (this may be easier for you to comprehend, metric and all) pre-trick hand placement. This is how one prepares themselves to dive head first into the river. Also the double move, for the crowd is never satisfied with a simple doe see doe.

Always in good spirits,

Patrick Bannon

 

I watched Patrick’s riverdance and to be fair on myself I noticed his re-entry is a little flappy. I didn’t feel too ashamed of my Colorado riverdance since I felt confident I’d covered the hands on hips aspect in the infamous career-ending ‘riverdance tutorial’ from earlier in 2012.

I composed this response.

Thankyou Patrick,

I saw your email the other day and meant to take the time to sit and compose a worthy reply. I will refrain from criticizing the re-entry in your video clip.

I thoroughly agree that the ultimate tribute to those fine dancers is to maintain hands firmly on hips or even just hold the arms solidly down by the sides. I’m sorry to have to say that that sequence in the Thrasher article may well represent my best efforts at bringing that spirited trick to the wider skate community. Alas that Arvada, CO, skatepark obstacle proved all too hair raising and sweat inducing for further effort that fateful day.

I’m happy to know there are others out there that are working to spread the word of lesser spotted moves such as Riverdance. I’m also hoping to write a short study of my shame at having fallen so short that day – I feel that I documented more of a Russian Cossack/Riverdance hybrid- I’d be stoked if you’d allow me the honor of quoting your email.

I hope this finds you well,

Regrettably yours,

John

Patrick responded promptly

John,
Hello and whats cooking? A critique of the re-entry would have been completely appropriate.
You can quote any of the emails, as long as the type o’s or missing words  are fixed. Typing on these stupid devices is a skill, unlike dancing, that I have not fully developed. Also thought you should know that the skateboard you sent me last year is still getting me around. I traded the wheels and t-shirts in for some cruiser wheels and it’s now one of my main means of transportation. Some have even said it could be one of the fastest skateboards to ever grace the hard scape of the city.
       Looking forward to reading the riverdance essay. Your friend and colleague,
Patrick Bannon

Well, there is no riverdance essay. Only this post with the correspondence pasted in verbatim. If you enjoyed the post then check out the shop for all types of Predatory-Bird-minded items.

13 thoughts on “A Proper Riverdance”

  1. anyone who further comments on the matter will be contacted by my attorney and tried in court for slander. your skewed versions of geometry and theology as they pertain to skateboard maneuvers and humor are neither desired or welcomed in this comment section and i dread that will only fortify the blasphemous tricks place in the glorious time line of skatebyoards.
    yours truly,
    phiste mahole

  2. Patrick dear, this is your Mother commenting ( sorry to butt in boys).
    I hesitate to correct your knowledge of your own genealogy.. but I can't resist …
    Y'all are so wrong!!!!!
    Here goes:
    Your 6th Great-Uncle on my side, that would the Hagarty family
    was John Leslie of Balnageith Scotland, and he was in Carolina afore ye!
    Not bad eh?
    The only problem here is with the whole ethnology of the "riverdance move" y'all are trying to copy;
    with all this new DNA evidence used in genealogy today the Leslies are like so many Scots invader-types.
    It seems they orginally migrated from Wolhyna ( the Ukraine); if in doubt, please consult the book:
    "When Scotland Was Jewish" by Elizabeth Caldwell Hirschman

    So perhaps John's 'cossak/riverdance hybrid' wasn't so far off?
    Just to be on the safe side I think y'all should be checking out the moves in 'The Fiddler on The Roof'
    Love ya Patrick and all your moves baby.

  3. Maybe not in perfect form but damn that's a massive river dance! I bet the dance step at the top was terrifying seeing as death awaits but a foot slip away.

Comments are closed.